Short Story Time in Ubud, Bali

     I was first in Ubud 21 years ago when there was a resident mad artist named Antonio Blanco. Pico Iyer wrote about visiting Blanco in his book that made an indelible impression on me, “Video Night in Kathmandu,” so, naturally, I made the pilgrimage to see him, bringing with me a pretty Dutch girl that I had happened to meet the day before. Blanco took one look at her and for some reason started sketching dress designs that would accentuate her figure, which needed no embellishment, but I bit my tongue. At the time I regarded him as just a doddering eccentric, but since his death he is of some renown and I wish I had saved those sketches to sell on ebay.
     OK, so it’s not much of a story. The next one’s better.
     On the same trip I saw three kids outside their home and took their photo. It’s a photo I’ve always liked and had an extra print made to keep closer at hand rather than buried in a photo album. Two years ago I was planning a trip to Asia and I anticipated I might be in Bali again, so on a whim I brought the photo with me. Once I made it back to Ubud the first thing I did was to look for the kids, showing the photo to people of a certain age, and with extraordinary luck it took me less than an hour to find the house!
     I stepped inside the family compound and one of the girls—now a woman—was there. You can imagine how shocked she was to have a foreigner show up with a 19-year-old picture of her. I gave her the photo and she told me to come back later to see her brother and sister. When I did, they already had their best clothes on and we took a new photo outside the house in the same place.

     I went white water rafting on the not-so-mighty Ayung River north of Ubud. I like rafting as much as the next person, but it has never been the same for me since I went down the Zambezi River in Zimbabwe. I was on one of the last rafts of the season since the water was dangerously low. A week later, a tourist group insisted on running the river and was willing to pay big money to do so. My guide couldn’t refuse, and in treacherous conditions, he drowned.
     By the way, this is the same Zambezi where earlier this year an Aussie girl went bungy jumping and her rope snapped—and survived. When I was there, they were just starting the business and to drum up customers, they told girls that if they went topless they could get 50% off, and if they went naked, they could go for free.

     Just call me Short Bus

Hitchhiking in Indonesia and the Cheap Flight Fight

     Something must have been lost in translation


     Last time I wrote, I took a $29 flight, including all taxes, from Surabaya to Bali. I discovered that the alternative, a bus/ferry/bus combination, was $19 and takes 15 hours, usually as an overnight journey. I mentioned this to three travelers I met who were in their early 20s and expected them to say what I would say: I’d take the flight 9 times out of 10, maybe 10 out of 10. Instead, the most gregarious of the three, a Chinese-American girl from rural Pennsylvania(!), wasn’t even considering it, and in fact, threw it back in my face: “What would you have done when you were our age?” It was a good question. What is a no-brainer for me today is different from their mentality, which is simply, “I can do it cheaper.”
     That nameless girl made an impression on me as being very clued-in because she is taking advantage of every opportunity she has, particularly with working holiday visas. I thought Americans couldn’t utilize them, but she said there are plenty of countries where Americans can work legally. Usually the age limit is 26 or 30. If I had half a brain back then and the visas were available to me, I would have worked in every country that would let me. I can’t think of a better way to go.
     She also made an impression because she spoke in quick bursts to parry anything I said, and then would suck on a small hose that led from a water pouch in her backpack as if it were a pacifier, making her look very young indeed. The encounter made me realize that I see less and less true backpackers these days. Travelers yes; backpackers, no. I am thinking of writing an emotional opus called, “Death of the Backpacker, 2012.”

     Possibly a monument for spicy food.


     I hitchhiked from Bedugul over the mountains the long way via Munduk and Seririt to the northern beach enclave of Lovina. The first ride was from a guy named Made, which is what the second child born in the family is almost always called, whether male or female. He said if I visited his village I should ask for him. Sensing that this might prove difficult, he added I should ask for “Made #14.” The only thing more confusing than Indonesian first names is a phonebook in Punjabi India where everyone’s last name is Singh.
     I was expecting Lovina to be a complete hellhole, but it’s not bad at all. I was there a zillion years ago and few people have ever had a kind word to say about it, but I’ve been surprised. That said, the beach isn’t very pretty, the water not very clean, and there are lots of tiny jellyfish that nip at your body—not a place to skinny dip. These nagging, biting jellyfish are also Thailand’s dirty little secret I don’t hear people mention enough. Maybe I’m always there in the wrong season, but the problem is endemic to large parts of southeast Asia.
     The hostility to Lovina got me thinking of the worst beach towns in the world. The first thing that came to mind was Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica, though even in the best of times I don’t know if you can classify it as having a beach. It would be fun to hear everyone’s worst beach. Maybe a subject for another time—unless you feel strongly about a foul beach, then by all means, vent!

     Tempeh, glorious tempeh, which in this case is fermented soy bean cakes in a spicy sauce


     These 15 year olds were on a school trip with their teacher to Lovina for the sole purpose of chatting up foreigners to practice their English. You can't see it, but the girl on the right, her t-shirt says, 'Blogger.' All Indonesian girls have beautiful, long, thick lustrous hair. It's the tempeh.


     I left Lovina yesterday, a Sunday, the best day to hitchhike. Leisure drivers are on the roads. It’s a mellower experience. Still, with less cars, it took a bit of time to get going. Even in the slower moments of hitchhiking, I would rather stand on the side of the road for 30 minutes and try to get rides while admiring lush green rice terraces than sit in a claustrophobic, fume-filled bus for 30 minutes while the flunky who tells you the bus is leaving “now” keeps trying to get more passengers.
     I managed a ride into the big town of Singaraja, saw a barber shop, got a haircut for $1.10, went back on the road, and kept hitchhiking.
     On the hardest stretch of the day, going from the coast up and over the mountain, I had to wait 20-30 minutes, but then a white girl pulled over. The passenger window was already down and she leaned over to say, “You look like you speak English!” I was taken aback and said, “I speak English very good!”
     I have to say, I’m pretty clever with accents. I can quickly tell where people come from by the way they speak. When she said the word “no”, I had her pegged as an Australian immediately. Only Aussies make “no” a three-syllable word. I smugly indulged her. “Where are you from?”
     “Alabama.”
     Oh.
     She was from the race car capital of Talladega and drove like it, but of all the close calls, the worst that materialized was merely when we clipped our side view mirror on a bus.

     'Bagus' means good. This is on Lovina, as are the following photos. Lovina looks great the farther away you are.




The Bali Tourism Quiz—a free postcard is the fabulous prize!

     Pop quiz!
     Name the top 6 countries that send the most tourists to Bali. I bet you can get only 3 of them, and I bet you can’t guess #2. Answer at the bottom of this post.
     Since my brouhaha with Orbitz I now get a lump in my throat when I buy a flight ticket online. I am usually anxious, anyway, since a flight connotes a dreaded feeling of finality for someone as footloose as me.
     It’s a shame it isn’t as straightforward as in Indonesia where you can sashay over to the airport ticket counter, pay your money and get a normal ticket, like a bus or train, like how it should be. There is demand pricing, but it seems reasonable to me. I paid only $25 plus $5 airport tax to fly from Surabaya, Java, to Bali. I knew the price before I got to the airport courtesy of the good people behind utiket.com. To make the same journey by land and ferry it would have cost about $15 and taken 10-12 hours minimum, I believe, plus a shortened life span, and I’m not getting any younger.
     To go from unvisited Semarang and Surabaya to the belly of the tourism beast, Bali, is a jolt. I took a collection of bemos (minibuses, vans) to leave the tourist/airport area of southern Bali, which is easier said than done as it’s a pain to get around with public transport. Therefore, I was incensed to see the news headline, “Bali Travelers Turning Their Backs on Public Transport.” Of course we do! What choice is there when there are few routes, the drivers take you for a ride (literally and figuratively) and it’s too congested to hitchhike?
     Partially as a reaction to this, the demand for reputable drivers in Bali is high. You have to like the spirit of someone trying to stand out from the crowd by advertising his service on ebay.. “Shipping” is 61 cents!
     I’m up in the mountains in Bedugul, Candikuning, specifically, which is a Balinese word derived from ancient Sanskrit texts that means “musty hotel rooms”. Between that and the narrow window of good weather every day to do stuff, I can only take one more night up here, though it’s great for hitchhiking. I’ve had about 4 or 5 rides, never waiting for more than a few minutes. The last ride yesterday was from a couple of ethnic Yemeni guys who said there is a substantial community of Yemenis in Bali and Java. One told me his family has been here for 200 years.

     My body is like a mismatched pair of halves. Getting sunburned at Pura Ulun Danau Bratan


     This is a flyer for jobs in a convenience store. I thought the Malaysians discriminated, but this takes the cake. The first job is for a clerk. Must be a boy, maximum 25 years of age, unmarried, without tattoos and piercings, and a minimum height of 155cm! For the second job, the cashier, you must be a woman and they don't seem to mind if you have tattoos as long as you are 'attractive'.


     List of Bali’s foreign tourists based on their nationalities:
1. Australia (63,704 visitors)
2. China (55,099)
3. Japan (12,805)
4. Taiwan (11,671)
5. Malaysia (11,656)
6. Russia (10,907)
7. South Korea (10,567)
8. Singapore (7,566)
9. United States (6,783)
10. England (6,325)
     Someday those Chinese are going to turn from package tourists into backpackers. They’re going to get all glassy-eyed and slack-jawed with wonder when they see us looking like we haven’t washed our clothes in weeks, hanging out in cafes all day with our laptops, arguing with taxi drivers for 20 minutes over 20 cents, storming out of coffee shops in a huff when the Fair Trade Blend has been sold out, and they’re going to say to themselves, “This is the life!”

     Did anyone get the answer to the quiz right? If you came close and you want a postcard from Bali AND you have never received one from me AND we have never met in person AND you “like” my Facebook page (if you are on FB), be the first person to comment below and I’ll do it.
     Easy!

     Bedugul botanic gardens. Nice!

Indonesia, the 2nd friendliest country in the world

     I was quickly reminded of the only thing I hate about traveling in Indonesia: traveling in Indonesia. The way bus drivers attack the road makes me berserk. It’s nothing other than pedal to the metal or hard braking. The swerving, the driving on the uneven shoulder at high speeds, the driving on the wrong side of the road if our side has too much traffic—come on, life’s too short for this. We roared past a poor ambulance on an emergency call with its lights flashing and a medic treating a patient in the back. For my sanity I will be doing some hitchhiking.
     I’m getting ahead of myself.

     I met this 22-year old Japanese-Brazilian pixie before getting on the plane in Los Angeles. We both had a long stopover in Beijing: 10 hours for me, 12 for her, so we hung out in our deliriously tired states. (I have yet to be on a trans-Pacific flight that wasn’t death-affirming). I showed her how to use the airport wifi, but when I told her that Facebook was blocked in China, she was flummoxed because, you know, Facebook is the internet. I tried to get her interested in TheDromomaniac.com, but it was a tough sell, as it is with everyone else.
     Her dream is to go to a community college in Los Angeles. She grew up in Japan and is so much under her father’s thumb at home that curfew is 9pm. She is itching to rebel. She got herself a belly ring, tattoos are being planned, boys have been met.
     Our transit terminal was said to be the fifth largest building in the world measured by floor space. (Aircraft hangars, otherwise, are bigger.) The world’s sixth largest floor space would be the shadow under my stomach if I kept eating chips and salsa while at home.
     I read a story that in the same amount of time it took Beijing to build the airport from bare ground to completed project, San Francisco made one environmental impact assessment for neighborhood council approval to enlarge its airport. I doubt “environmental impact” is translatable to Chinese.

     I never get used to seeing these signs, which are very common. MYOB means mind your own business. 360 RM is about $115/mo


     For my friends in Kuala Lumpur, an ethnic Indian/christian couple, I have a can’t-miss, free business idea: run around America saying they are persecuted Christians in a hostile muslim country. They could tour the most radical churches where no one knows the difference between Malaysia and Mongolia, and clean up. Rick Santorum’s probably good for a couple hundred dollars.
     I read of some enterprising Chinese that did this when they were first able to travel abroad, and that was from an atheist country. This is from a muslim country, so fierce are the sharia laws that they put their theologians on the sides of their airplanes.

     I so wish this photo of ex-Prime Minister Mahathir was better.


     Speaking of Chinese, another free business idea is to invest in the person who will become the first Chinese Rick Steves, a young backpacker who will capture the imagination of the Chinese and get them to discover other ways to travel. It’s going to happen. I read of a young Chinese girl who went to Taiwan and slipped away from her tour group. (Chinese are only allowed to visit Taiwan on group tours, a very strong admission that traveling opens minds.) She stayed with Taiwanese whom she had met on the internet, a la CouchSurfing, and when she went home and blogged, it was a big sensation. Who knows how many young minds have been stirred by that?
     After two days in Kuala Lumpur I flew to Semarang in the middle of Java because it was the cheapest place to fly to, a new-ish route for AirAsia. I think this is my fifth time in Indonesia. Java is the most crowded island in the world. It has about 136 million people and is the size of Florida, meaning it is as if one 40% of all Americans lived in Florida. (My favorite comparison like this is that Bangladesh is the size of Wisconsin and it is as if nearly half of all Americans were crammed into Wisconsin.)
     I spent only a night and went to Surabaya, also only for a night, but in just those short hours I was exhilarated to be in Indonesia. I like the big cities where no tourists go. People are excited to see you. There’s a buzz on the street as people even 30 meters away call out to you, “Hello Meesterrr!” It’s the full rock star treatment which is usually genuine and only sometimes like they are poking a stick at a zoo animal. It’s not that I like it because I feel like Mr. Popular, but in these zero-tourist cities where they are so unprepared for tourists, there is no guile, no angling towards a commission or baksheesh, but pure curiosity.
     Plus, I have access and see things I rarely see anywhere else. I was chatting with a guy in the market while he was cleaning someone’s eyes with a needle-like contraption that shoots a thin stream of water. He was talking with me and looking at me, while he held this pointed object perilously close to the poor guy’s eye. I’m sure as my time here passes I will have better examples and better photos.
     I’ve always thought Indonesians were the second friendliest people on the planet after Filipinos. The difference is that, initially, an Indonesian might give you a hard stare before their smile blossoms whereas in the Philippines they love you at first sight eternally and unconditionally.

     Sorry for the fuzzy photo. I was hanging out by the bathroom in the bus station in Semarang---don't judge---because the girl wanted to take photos with me for her Facebook. She squealed with delight when I agreed. The guy on the far left creepily encouraged me to hold her in my arms for a photo.


     I can't figure out either of these two pix from our descent into Semarang.



     This good-looking twosome are from the Surabaya airport tourist office. They gave me this model ship, a tough thing for a backpacker to carry.


The pre-trip, round-the-world Dromomaniac Q & A mailbag

     It’s been an enjoyable winter being home, watching the Republican presidential candidates try to out-Neanderthal each other. It would be more enjoyable if I didn’t fear one of them winning in November, but it’s time to leave that behind, pack up, and go.
     Tomorrow I have a one-hour drive, a 4.5-hour train ride, 7 hours of waiting in rainy Los Angeles, then a 1:40am flight (ugh!), 11 hours of flying from Los Angeles to Beijing (double ugh!!), then 11 hours of layover in Beijing (triple ugh!!!) before another 6 hour flight to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia (semi-ugh.)
     I was going to make a rigorous examination of my pre-trip, around-the-world preparation, but it’s just this: being very lazy, staying indoors and eating bad food because I know when I am on the road, it will be the opposite. So! Let’s get on to some reader mail:

     Hitchhiking outside Tbilisi, Georgia


From Uliano Giovannetti in Italy:
     Hi, Kent!
     I know it could sound pretty lame but I’m writing this email just to say that your website is amazing, and since I discovered it, I’m always looking forward to new posts and stuff. It really blows my mind how easily you talk about cheap travelling and have to admit that everything is written actually pretty well, so never ever boring at all.
     Since me and my girlfriend are travelling through Europe, and we’ve been on the road for more than two months now, your tips are really, really precious, and most of all, when I’ve nothing to do in cold Dutch houses and outside it’s raining, I gladly find myself typing your dromomaniac blog. Aawwwww, now sounds very sweet, doesn’t it? Would you like to have a child with me?
     No, seriously, keep on with the great work and please—veryprettyplease—write a book. If you do so, you can consider my sister yours.

     I may or may not have spent 10 minutes on Google Images searching “Uliano Giovannetti’s sister”. Is it the highest compliment that someone is willing to pimp his sister out to you? Or, as a man, to want to conceive a baby with me?
     By the way, I asked Uliano if I could use his full name in this case. I normally keep everyone’s privacy intact.

From N. in Greece:
     Hello Kent,
     I want to ask you something. You will know, of course. It is dangerous to travel by bus on South America? I’ve listened that the borders are difficult with big research and the headmen try to fine you.
     Is Colombia to Ecuador enough dangerous?
     Give me your lights.

     Needless to say, “Give me your lights” is my new, go-to phrase. Sure, it’s no problem to travel by bus, but if there is any danger, avoid overnight buses. I did exactly that in Colombia and Ecuador, but mainly because I can’t sleep on overnight buses anyway, and the views are too spectacular to miss.

From: Jeff Chan
Subject: Sponsored Post or banner on your site
     I’d like to inquire about doing a sponsored blog post – about 150-300 words that talks a little bit about cosmetic surgery and ilinks back to our site. We provide costmetic surgery services and we might be a good fit for your readers/visitors on TheDromomaniac.com
     Here’s a list of some blog post titles we’ve done in the past:
– Why People Are Choosing Liposculpting over Liposuction
– Look Young Again With Laser Skin Resurfacing
– The Beauty Of Natural Breast Augmentation
     Our budget is around $15 for the post. Is this something you’d be open to?
Also we might be interested in a small banner ad if the price is right. Our budget is $40/year – something like this: http://s13.postimage.org/886zi6ix1/cosmeticsurgery.jpg.
     Let me know if you’d be open to either or both of these. Also if you have some other sites just send them over and we might be interested in doing a sponsored post on there as well!
     Regards, Phil
     Escobedo Esthetics

     I get this garbage all the time. $15! I wonder if there was a three-hour debate at Escobedo Esthetics about whether they would pay $14.50 or $15.50 before finally settled on $15, then celebrating with a $200 company dinner.
     Hmmmm, on the other hand, that is enough for several good meals in Indonesia. You know, friends, the beauty of natural breast augmentation can indeed improve the quality of your life. Feel better about yourself! Feel rejuvenated! Act now and we’ll throw in the Turbo Skin Exfoliant, guaranteed to make you slimmer as it will scrape away so much skin, you will feel like a peeled apple. But wait! There’s more! Call within the next 10 minutes and…

     Nicaragua. Not me.


From S. in USA:
     Inspirational, informative site Kent – thanks! I am a female solo traveler (27 countries so far, longest solo trip was 15 months) and I appreciate your encouraging words to women.
     However, I have to say that at the time that I was planning my first big trip, I didn’t feel or think that I embodied any of the attributes you listed. People commented that I must be very brave to be planning such a trip, but brave was the last thing I felt. I’d often wake up in the middle of the night in a blind panic thinking ‘I must be crazy, I can’t do this!’. Then, a wise woman paraphrased Aristotle and said, “We aren’t born with courage but we become brave by doing things that require us to be brave."
     So gals, listen to Kent and pack your bags. You may discover that the most meaningful souvenirs of your trip are not the kind that you can buy in a shop.

     15 months?! I can’t do that without my head exploding. Thanks for sharing your story. It’s one thing for me to talk about it and another for your validation as a woman.

From W, unknown location:
     I’m 20, and traveling alone has been a huge dream of mine since a long time ago.The thrill of being able to go wherever I please, and take as much time as I like is just so…. GREAT. However, my parents are a big obstacle for me. Every time I bring up the idea, we just get into a huge argument that can turn out really ugly – especially for my dad because he’s one of those people who don’t get angry often, but when he does… it’s scary.
     While I understand their point of view, it’s always really disappointing when they say no. I don’t want to sneak off (although I have thought about it at times when I was really upset) because I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself if I knew I did not have their support. If anyone has any ideas on how I can convince them, that’d be great.

     It’s a tough situation. What country are you in? Will things change when you are 21 or when you move out? Maybe you can take a short trip to a “safe" place and see how it goes as a test.
     (That was my weak answer. These questions are hard sometimes! If I was an expert I would be writing an advice column. If anyone wants to take a stab at this, it’s on this page or maybe just commenting below would be better.)

From A. in Vietnam:
     Hiiiiiiii,
     I first found out such a thing as Couchsurfing existed while reading your blog and was wondering if you’d share your experiences! (pretty please)
     So this summer I DESPERATELY want to visit my dad in Ukraine. (I’m half Vietnamese, a quarter Lebanese, a quarter Syrian, although I was born in Ukraine.) Since I haven’t seen him in years, it would be a dream to stay there for at least a month or two. But for such a long period, staying in hotels is an unaffordable option. The problem is I don’t really know anyone there who’d let me invade their houses. I can’t stay with dad, even though I’m hoping he would find some place for me to stay, but that is also a little complicated and awkward because he’ll be there with his wife and 5 kids and I’m the secret illegitimate child no one knows exists and to avoid family drama…I need to stay “undercover”.
     So I was wondering if Couchsurfing would be a possible option. I’ve read a little about it, but is a little unsure how it works exactly, and I don’t know anyone who’s done anything similar so would reallllly appreciate some direct info. So what happens? What do you need to do to stay at their houses? What to pay for? What if they don’t like you? How long can you usually stay for? Is it safe?

     Wow, what a life you have! Well, normally Couchsurfing is an exchange for travelers and hosts for a few days (so anyone can tolerate each other for a few days!), but there are CS groups where people get together socially and I think it would be the best place to put up an ad. I would check out the local CS group and look at the listings or better yet, be proactive and place an ad saying you are looking for a room for a month or two.
     CS is safe, generally, but you get a better idea of that from someone’s profile and that is why I would suggest you take time and really fill out your CS profile or else people might not take you seriously. Also, you can deal only with women if you prefer.
     (That was my answer the first time, but when she later told me she was 17—“barely 17”, she said—now I’m not sure how to respond.)

     Abacuses (Abacusii? Abacii?) on the wall in Kiev, Ukraine


From M. in Germany:
     Hi Kent!
     First of all, thank you for showing me that a way of life like yours is really possible. Your adventures are really an inspiration for me.
     I moved to Europe about two years ago in search of new experiences. In these two years, I’ve done couchsurfing, hitchhiked, and slept on benches 🙂 It has been a very interesting time for me, but I’ve encountered some travel-related problems and don’t have a seasoned traveller friend to consult with. Furthermore, I would like to completely switch to a lifestyle like yours, but have some nagging concerns that I can’t resolve. So, I’ve made a list of questions and I really hope you can give me some answer to them.
     1) How do deal with diminishing returns? For example, the first gothic church in Europe was really amazing for me, the second and third were still interesting, but all of the other ones were almost not worth seeing. And it’s the same with small medieval towns or castles or city centers… And the more I travel, the harder it is to find something really unusual, something really fascinating, something worth travelling for.
     2) Are you concerned about not having security when you become older? If you’re just working at temporary jobs, then you don’t have a pension. And if you spend all the money you earn on travel, then you don’t have money in case of unpredictable accidents (like breaking a leg while on a hike in the mountains). I mean, sure, everything is fine while you’re young and healthy, but what happens if your health deteriorates? Perhaps you won’t have the energy to travel anymore and perhaps the temporary jobs will become insufficient for paying the medical bills…
     3) If you’re always moving around, then it’s difficult to form meaningful friendships or to have a girlfriend. Simply put, these things require a certain investment of time. Instead, you meet people in hostels or whatever, introduce yourselves, and then never see each other again. Doesn’t this bother you?
     4) I’ve been getting better and better at travelling cheaply, but there are some things I’d like to do that require a big investment of money. Two examples that I can think of now are scubadiving and hanggliding. In order to really get into these things, you need a lot of money, which means you have to have a well-paying job and spend a lot of time at it. What about you? Have you just accepted that expensive hobbies are not for you?
     Keep on rockin’ in the free world 🙂 If you find yourself flying into Germany, let me know.

     This mailbag is getting a little long, isn’t it? I answered M. We’ve written long emails back and forth. I think I respond to everyone not named Escobedo Esthetics.

For some balance,
From E. in Wales:
     I had the misfortune of meeting you in Malaysia, that’s how I found your blog.

     Thanks for all the questions and comments! Keep them coming! The best thing about having a blog is that it can draw attention to my website which compels a few kindred souls to contact me. Writing is like being in solitary confinement in a dark dungeon and then a little light shines in when someone responds, asks for advice or gives me hell—whatever the reaction is, it is nice affirmation of the power of the word.

     Just to show that The Dromomaniac is all things to all people, a little something for you foot fetishists out there, a Colombian friend's foot in Egypt. This is not the work of the good people at Escobedo Esthetics.

More secrets of finding cheap flights


     I regularly get people emailing me at their wit’s end because they want to go from A to B and can’t find a cheap ticket. Somehow I’ve become the Cheap Flight Guru, though I hate looking for flights as much as anyone, the airlines have sucked any fun there was out of it. However, since airfares are sky-high these days, you have to hold your nose and delve into it. (I like getting everyone’s email about all kinds of topics. It’s the best thing about having a website and blog. A new mailbag is coming soon, so keep your questions and comments coming.)
     OK, so you want to know a secret of how to start looking for a cheap flight? Check this out, one of my new favorite websites: www.anna.aero’s weekly new airline routes summary. (Their free email newsletter is a total buzzkill as they insist on your mailing address, phone number, company, job title—what, no urine sample? Come on! That’s bush league.)
     If nothing else, you have to love Cake of the Week. I wasn’t aware of this phenomenon where airlines trot out elaborate cake designs to celebrate new routes. You can even vote on Cake of the Week, which they have nicely aggregated for your voting pleasure.

     Big fan of this easyJet cake. (Photo stolen without permission from www.anna.aero. I love the newsletter!)


     The point of this information is that aside from the fact that it is always good to know who flies between two places, there are often introductory low fares for new routes. Your Skyscanners and Kayaks of the travel world don’t necessarily have all this info in their search results, nor can everything be booked through them (Avianca’s new route from Bogota to Cuba, I would guess, for one.)
     I don’t know what to make of the photos from Ryanair’s Budapest base launch where three stewardesses are first on the tarmac in the snow, and then indoors in bikinis. I have to believe they are actual stewardesses because Ryanair is too cheap to hire models. Let’s call it Cheesecake of the Week. Hungary’s the best.
     How do websites like whichbudget.com and airninja.com keep up with this stuff? I don’t know how they can, that’s why I say in my cheap flight section that you have to have a three-pronged attack. My example, the $83 flight from Florida to Colombia, that was a new route. I practice what I preach!
     Thank you to Lisa F. and Aaron L. (I never know how people feel about me using their names) for telling me about Boston to the Azores for $329 round trip on SATA, a Portuguese airline. I kind of dismissed it out of hand, because how are you going to get from Azores to the continent? Anna.aero, however, showed me that you can go onward to Munich and Brussels, the latter with Jetairfly, though booking tickets through discount Belgian airlines is not for the weak of heart.
     While I’m in a complimentary mood, kudos to the people who made this nice little website for Indonesian domestic flights that I will be using: utiket.com. I haven’t played around with the international part of it yet, but I like the simple, straightforward design.

     There you go. Who else collates this kind of information, analyzes it and then gives it to you in plain English, all to save you money? Who? And I do it for free! Shocking.

     Outside the airport baggage claim, Maumere, Flores, Indonesia

After weird jury duty, Italy is in my sights

     Is anything in this guy's sights?

     I had jury duty last week. I was hoping it would be a trial of someone stealing travel website content or a jaywalker so I could scream, “OFF WITH HIS HEAD!” It’s surprising how easy it is to get excused from serving as a juror. More than half of the people who came for the cattle call got away with using any excuse they could think of. You simply stand and announce your so-called hardship and the judge was very lenient about letting people go. I didn’t mind staying. I’ll save my excuse next time: “Your honor, I suffer from intense hemorrhoid pain and severe flatulence, a potent combination, as you can imagine…”
     The case was bizarre. One of the charges was assault—assault with a frozen chicken leg, in fact. In the end we found the defendant not guilty, but it had nothing to do with his lawyer quoting from the movie, “The Big Lebowski”, in his final statement. (“The Dude abides.” Ummm, OK…)
     I’m glad I saw the judicial system in action, but it was strange to get up early every morning and have to go do something. It reminded me of work. (shivers)
     The judge might have felt sorry for us jurors dealing with such a strange case, so he brought his wife’s delicious homemade biscotti as a snack.
     The next time I am going to have biscotti will be in Italy in July. (How is that for a segue?) I am waiting to read the fine print, but the government for the region of Emilia-Romagna is proposing to put me in a house in Rimini for a week with some other travelers to blog about the attractions of the area. Emilia-Romagna is next to Tuscany, and the fact that I have to explain its location is why they are doing such a project, I am guessing. I don’t know the details, but I hope tourism officials in Japan are watching closely and learning. Yes, I’m talking to you, JNTO! You still need me!

     I’m going the long way round. Next week I’m flying one-way to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia from Los Angeles on Air China for $568. I know, I know, I’m not happy about it either. There’s also an 11-hour stopover in Beijing, but since I read my transit terminal is the fifth largest building in the world, I am keen to see it. A couple of days later I fly to Semarang, Indonesia. Sema-what? Exactly! It’s the cheapest place in Java to fly to from KL, $61 one-way including taxes and bag fee. Must be paradise.
     The moment my payment for the ticket was approved, I sprang into action: I raced to the store to buy chips and salsa. Who knows when I might have them again? I’m so weak.

     This is meticulously folded Chinese money, 1 fen, no longer in circulation. Last time I was there I tried to get as many of these little banknotes as possible and one kiosk seller stored his old money like this. He was thrilled to exchange them as Chinese people didn't want any part of the nearly valueless notes (worth less than one cent). See? I am doing my part to bridge cultures, optimize the most efficient reallocation of resources, etc., and I'm not even on the shortlist to be a United Nations global ambassador. Outrageous.

Orbitz is Great Satan; the problem with customer service and frequent flyer miles

     Here’s what I wanted to do: buy a one-way ticket from USA to Indonesia with EVA Air, a Taiwanese airline, on Orbitz.com. However, I needed one bit of information that wasn’t on the website. I wanted to know the fare class to earn frequent flyer miles. It’s a common misconception that you can simply fly the airline and get the miles because not every kind of ticket qualifies. Some of the cheaper fare classes accrue no mileage, which you want to avoid, if possible.
     This is a problem with frequent flyer miles. I love the concept and it’s a substantial section of my website, but they can be a pain to deal with. I sympathize with those who don’t want to get involved, but it takes only a couple of minutes to sign up and if I am flying anyway, why not get the miles?
     I can use EVA Air miles in my United Airlines/Star Alliance account, but, again, it depends on the class of the ticket. (It’s also called the fare code, and it is usually a five or six-digit code. Only the first letter is important.) Look at this chart from United about which classes of EVA Air tickets accrue frequent flyer miles and note that the cheapest tickets don’t accrue 100% of the miles flown.
     The problem is that often websites don’t show the class of ticket when you book. I find that the airline’s own website sometimes does, but what can you do in this case with Orbitz? You have to call and ask. You might feel idealistic and email Orbitz (some websites have a live chat to deal with issues like this), but you need to know now.
     Well, you don’t necessarily need to know immediately as there is a little known, new rule in USA where you can hold a reservation or cancel within 24 hours without penalty if it is more than 7 days from your flight, but good luck finding that information volunteered on any website.
     Also, if you wait, the price may rise due to the ultimate customer-unfriendly trick of what I call price creep, where the website automatically raises the fare if you look too many times, but don’t get me started on that. (The link makes me crazy. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. If not, do a search with the words “disappearing airfares elliott” on cnn.com. It’s a very illuminating article.)
     Full of dread, I picked up the phone.

     A phone from Chisinau, Moldova, not the actual one used to make the call


     This is the point where I think most people slump their shoulders, already conceding defeat. It’s not only Orbitz or the travel industry. To phone any mammoth company is to descend into the depths of customer service hell. You feel very small and insignificant. (I contend it’s not a stretch to say that wretched customer service is the by-product of capitalism.) I always wonder how many millions in profits big companies have to make before they hire extra staff, and what’s the excuse if they are using cheap labor from outsourced call centers in India? When I call and get the recording, “Due to unexpected high call volume, there might be a delay…” Come on. You have to know your call patterns by now. Hire more Indians, if need be.
     Once one Saturday morning I called Southwest Airlines and after a couple of rings someone answered the phone. A live person! I was speechless. And then they could help without transferring me! I might forget my nieces’ names before I forget an experience like that, the bar for customer service has been set so low. This was years ago, but needless to say, I am a big Southwest Airlines fan to this day. (It’s telling that Southwest doesn’t allow their airfares to be found by outside search engines—free baggage allowance, too.)
     I don’t need to spend much time on how my call to Orbitz went. Everyone knows how it goes. It’s all a variation on a theme. In my case it sounded like I interrupted a raucous frat party. Lots of whooping and hollering in the background with claims of a bad connection, and then the guy is hardly listening, gives information I didn’t ask for, refuses to transfer me, refuses to admit he doesn’t understand, insists on calling me by my name in every sentence, etc.
     Feeling impotent, I went to that bastion of ranting, Twitter, and posted a screed to @OrbitzCareTeam. There was some back and forth, it didn’t go anywhere, and then I got a long, canned email that started with this:

“Dear Sir,
     From your comment, you are questioning the price along with taxes and fees of booking a ticket. Furthermore; you believe that Orbitz makes adjustments due to rate and taxes on the website….”

     Of course, my beef had nothing to do with the price, which only infuriates me more. In the long and glorious history of communication, has anyone been satisfied with the canned response? I’ve done customer service, and I can assure you the answer is no.

     Bloody cow heads in Potosi, Bolivia. Who says that blog photos have to do anything with the subject matter?


     So what’s the lesson? Travel overland. Barring that, it may be prudent to buy tickets during website/airline office hours, buy from the airline’s website directly if most things are equal for customer service-related issues, shop around, etc. It also makes sense to try and book when your credit card company is available because they can block the purchase, suspecting fraud, even if you have called them beforehand to say you are going to purchase the ticket!
     There are probably other lessons I’m not thinking of. Orbitz has fried my brain. I’m googling “discount lobotomy” after I post this. If you have a story or a way of dealing with customer service issues, I’m all ears.
     By the way, this is a benefit of my website: I get my hands dirty so you don’t have to. I have experience and lots of it. Even if I’m rambling and incoherent, I’m out in the trenches doing this stuff. I often know what I’m talking about. If you want the deep ins and outs of how to travel cheaply, you stay with me, OK? Come on along!

 

     Let’s finish on a positive note, a happy photo from the archives!

     Triumphant last stop on the Big, BIG Baseball Journey, Isla Vista, California, a few years ago (cough). I still have and fit into those paisley pants, thank you.

Los Angeles is one of the world’s greatest cities. No joke.

     Just back from a few days in LA, and it always confirms to me that it is one of the great cities of the modern world. However, I am no mood to defend that statement right now, no matter how much everyone disagrees. For now, here is a short culinary tour.
     I’m traveling soon. Big trip starting next month!

     The cafe at Fry's Electronics. I love stuff like this.


     Another view with Darth Vader. Some people simply digest their food better knowing life-size Darth Vaders are nearby. It's science.


     If anyone is reading this outside of the ten places in America where there are Fry’s, it is the epicenter of cheap electronics and computer parts. Check out the weekly sales ad here if you don’t believe me. The dollar is still pretty weak compared to most major currencies and if you are European, especially, you should run, not walk to Los Angeles to buy cheap stuff. Only problem is, you need to be right there on Thursday morning or whenever the sale begins to make sure that they have everything in stock. It’s one of those kinds of stores.

     An In-N-Out hamburger truck parked outside a bowling alley. Americans get very nervous if they aren't within 100 meters of hamburgers at all times.


     Detritus at Tommy's, famous for their gut-busting chili burgers. (Not a diet food.) Met up with an old college friend who was feeding his three-year-old son Tommy's chili for the first time. I was tempted to call Child Protective Services.


     Tommy, I love you, but I am happy if I see you only once a year.

Happy Anniversary to me: two years blogging

     On a day that will live in infamy, March 17, 2010, I started this blog. A minute of silence will commence at 7:33 PST to signify when I first started cursing at WordPress, an emotional moment indeed. Since then I’ve blogged 280 times in two years, or about twice every five days. Seems like a lot.

     People stop me on the street all the time to say this is their favorite blog post ever. I'm taking it as a sign that I should blog less, so I will blog less. In fact, here is the end of this blog post---the worst ever! Demand your money back!

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