Long live racism!

     For the first time in my life, I got an upgrade and flew business class on my flight from Kathmandu to Kuala Lumpur. Not even on my birthday on a half-empty plane with Icelandair and dressing well could I manage that. I certainly didn’t look distinguished this time. I have a ridiculous Dutch Masters beard-and-mustache look and dress as shabbily as always. I didn’t even ask for an upgrade. I can only surmise that it was given because I was the only white guy on the plane. It was packed full of Nepalese slaves—I mean, guest workers—going to Malaysia.
     Business class had the same uncomfortable seats as economy class, just wider. (Wouldn’t you like to get your hands on the person who designed aircraft seats?) There was no other benefit that I noticed, but I liked the racist gesture. Thank you Nepal Airlines!

     For my friends who are learning English: one misspelled world, just one letter, can change the meaning of a sentence entirely. (then vs. than)


     I like the ingenuity of someone who thinks, 'Look at that wasted space under the stairs! I'm starting a lassi business there!'


Things you wouldn’t expect to find in Nepal

     Before I start, a quick thing, the shortest of short stories: a billion years ago when I visited New Zealand I stayed as a Servas guest with a woman in her 70s in a remote part of the South Island. She had a cat named Socrates and I asked, “The philosopher?”
     It was a dumb question. She said, “No! The soccer player!”
     Socrates died a couple of days ago. When your influence extends to old Kiwi women naming their cats after you, that’s saying something.

     This is my favorite thing about Nepal. First, ask anyone who has ever been to Nepal if they have ever seen a girl with short hair. They will say no. Short hair must be a serious criminal offense here---as it should be. Anyway, girls will sit on their stoop and comb their long hair all morning and let it dry in the sun. I can only hope that this craze takes the world by storm. This would be a movement I could really get behind.


     Flying out tonight to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, $302 on Nepal Airlines. I intended to go to Bangkok ($225), but the flight was canceled. Did you know that Nepal Airlines has exactly two airplanes, Boeing 757s, for their entire international network? Two! Those planes have some serious mileage on them as they have a pretty full schedule.
     My Nepali visa expires 30 minutes after my flight departs, so I have maxed out my 45 days. Had a great time. Nepal’s fantastic. Next time I come back I am doing an Everest trek. I met some travelers who say I have it all wrong and it is just as spectacular as the Annapurnas. One of the best things about Nepal, if not the best, are the impressive Nepali people. They are interesting to talk to, have a good sense of humor and compare nicely to the Indians who—how should I put this?—can be a tad dour and taciturn.
     I had the chance to meet someone who found me through my website, Stephen Lioy, which is always fun. If I am in the same country as you, don’t be shy, let me know! Don’t worry, I won’t hit you up for money. (Stephen, my buddy, my pal, I’ll pay you back as soon as the stock market turns, I promise!)
     Here are some photos of the weird and wonderful in Nepal. The photo that got away: a bus with the slogan “Love is drama” written on it.

     What is scarier than a disorganized pharmacy? It's a trick question. Nothing!



     Nepal license plate


     This is on the application form for trekking in the Annapurnas. I don't know what to make of it.


     The funny thing about this is that 'Precious' is an incredibly depressing movie so why would you want to use that to get people into the restaurant? Even more confounding is that the movie played there a whole week!


     The Seasons Lodge and Sore Back Restaurant!




     Swastikas in a hotel I stayed at that was more of a medieval dungeon



     Doesn’t the kid above look Chinese? Hey, speaking of Chinese, I would say that you get both overt and subtle feelings that China is flexing its muscles and moving in on Nepal. There are scads of Chinese tourists waddling around Kathmandu. In Chitwan they were entertaining to watch as you’d find women walking in the bush in heels and glittery pants.
     More subtly, I wonder how much China is behind the road construction to join the roads in Tibet as I wrote in my last post, and what they are really after. The Chinese give aid or pay for projects without preconditions, just for influence and trade, while Americans give aid and pester Nepal to stop trafficking their women and rein in corruption, among a host of other requests and demands. Chinese money is more desirable.
     I don’t make much of a fuss about this; I am too busy trying to buy bulk rhino horn and tiger penises for my Chinese customers.

     I never found time to tell the story of when I visited a prison in Malang, Indonesia where I met an Aussie guy who was starting a business with the only Nepali to win an Olympic medal (boxing/silver) at the Bluebird Hotel in Kathmandu.
     Another guy I met in prison there got out and wrote a book. I sent him an email to say I had visited him and he was very appreciative.
     I also visited the Kathmandu jail last time I was here and—no time for these stories! Wait for the book!

The food in Nepal

     I don’t have a photo of what just about every Nepali eats twice every day: dal bhat tarkari, which is rice, lentils and a usually non-soupy vegetable curry. I’m like that sometimes. And no photo of the oddly coupled “Hotel Sakura and German Bakery” and they may as well add “Obesity Consultant”.
     Nepal today is a far cry from the old days when you didn’t wait until you were hungry to go to restaurant because it took a millennium to get served. Nepal is a great place for foodies, though not compared to my next country.
     Can someone explain “chocolate for girls”?

     OK, I admit I patronized the Funky Salsa restaurant. I am ashamed.


     Big fan of these buffalo meat momos (dumplings), 50 rupees (65 US cents) on the street


     Alu paratha, a kind of stuffed potato pancake, 15 rupees (18 US cents), also from a street cart


     Lots of yak on the menu in Manang


     Tibetan bread (deep-fried dough, but a little denser)


     The world's saddest papaya tree


     Thenduk, a thick noodle soup, with a dog laying on the table in the hazy background



A long trek in the Annapurna mountains of Nepal

     Not the greatest map, I'm sorry. I'm dealing with tenuous internet connections here


     Announcement: I have finally completed the Annapurna Circuit in the Himalayan mountains of Nepal.
     Thank you. It’s one of the greatest accomplishments of my life, right up there with getting a live person on the phone from my bank once.
     This trip was the missing half to one 19 years ago where I flew from Pokhara to Jomsom, walked up to Muktinath and then down the western half of the route back to Pokhara. I dont know why I did that; I do vaguely remember being called a sissy, but it is indeed good to push myself once in a while.
     This time I did the eastern half, walking 112 km (70 miles) in 10 days (including one rest day) from 840 meters (2775 feet) to 5416 meters (17,770 feet). The last day I went up from 4450 meters (14,600 feet) to 5416 meters and then down to 3800 meters (12,468 feet). 5416 meters is way up there. It’s the highest I’ve been since Amsterdam, 1997 (rimshot!)
     For all of you who have seen me in the flesh and wonder about my ability to carry a 7 or 8kg (about 16 lbs without water) backpack in the mountains for 10 days, carrying a backpack is what I do! When I’m not in the mountains with my backpack, I am traveling with my backpack. I am a horse with that thing. I am always lugging it around, sometimes for hours a day, especially when hitchhiking.

     I was surprised how many older people were on the trails. Whole gray-haired tour groups trudged the paths, French and Germans. I’m pretty sure I saw a guy in a wheelchair, too.
     I went by myself sans guide, porter, hiking poles and maybe brains since on the last day I made a tactical error that I will explain later. There were only a few other solo travelers. I was on a different wavelength anyway; I didn’t like starting out in the morning until the sun was hitting my face so I started later than most people and then went at my own pace, which is no pace at all but just go until I get tired.
     Why is this arguably the most famous trek in the world? Maybe the most famous is the Everest Base Camp trek in eastern Nepal, but on that you are backtracking and the scenery isn’t as varied. Here, you get it all: lush, verdant mountainsides terraced with rice fields, pine forests, green mountains and behind that, huge snow-covered peaks and ridges of the Annapurnas. As you ascend, the landscape becomes rocky and dry and the poor horses, cows, mules and yaks struggle to find a sprig of anything to eat. Tall waterfalls always abound, however, and behind the brown, shrubby moonscape there is always an enormous snowy mountain in background, majestically looming over. Most of the time you are following the swift-moving Marsyangdi River, a pretty greenish gray color.
     Sadly, road construction is poised to destroy the Circuit. Nepal is about to kill the Golden Goose. More on that later.



     In Pokhara I scrambled to buy cold weather gear at the last minute so I ended up being dressed like a 9 year old let alone to buy his clothes for the first time: orange hat, blue gloves, red shirt, black pants, etc. and the icing on the cake was an aqua-greenish jacket that I bought hastily late the night before. I realized later it was a woman’s jacket, a very large woman who might have died in it as it had that smell. But, I got a good deal and Ol’ Bessie—yes, I am a grown man who names his jackets—came in very handy even if I did look like a lost dolphin. It was so bad that even the porters, poor guys who are usually singularly focused on carrying their oppressive loads, even they found the extra energy to snicker at my jacket, the bastards.
     I was hoping to find a dead hiker my size from whom I could “borrow” his jacket and maybe some hiking poles or some better clothes. Alas, no such luck.

     I rented this so-called -10C North Face sleeping bag, but if the bag is a fake, do I trust the -10 rating? No. In fact, this thing leaked feathers to the point that every morning I had to pluck myself.


     The Annapurna Circuit is called a “teahouse trek” because you can find teahouses/lodges to sleep every couple of hours on the trail. You could even do it without a sleeping bag if you were sure you could get enough blankets at every lodge. They are simple places where the power routinely goes off, rats or some kind of vermin crawl around above and it’s generally hard to sleep from the cold drafts; the challenge was to find a warm room without gaps in the walls or windows where wind rushes through. Mainly though, I just took any place where people didn’t laugh at my jacket. Most places have solar or gas showers, and only the last three days did I not have one.
     19 years ago I remember having only one (cold) shower in a week. No solar showers back then, just an ethics debate about using precious firewood to make hot water.

     It was nice to see that even after 19 years, one thing hadn’t changed: you could be many days away from the nearest road, and enchiladas, lasagna, and pizza would be on the menu. Crazy. I got more excited about the delicious dried apples in Koto and Marpha.
     You meet a special crop of people on the mountain: a semi-pro triathlete from the Faroe Islands(!) and a striking Ivory Coast/French-Canadian girl with the same name, coincidentally, the latter with a blond dreadlocked Frenchman, together making them Couple of the Year. I also saw TWO mountain bikers(!) carrying their bikes up the mountain which is the height of insanity and possibly danger, but they took the challenge with aplomb.
     I also saw two families trekking, one with a seven year old that had to carry a 3kg backpack. It’s amazing what kids can do if you give them a chance, but at what point is it too much too young?
     Apropos of nothing, the most incredible thing I witnessed were guys who had been out drinking in the bigger village until the night and then bringing their packs of mules down for about two hours in the dark with a weak flashlight. I didn’t see, but they were probably wearing flip-flops, too.

Some boring details that I will compensate with a photo of the Couple of the Year.
($1 = 80 Nepali rupees)
     I paid 3600 rupees in entry fees and permits and I averaged about 100 rupees a night to sleep. The deal is that accommodation is very cheap, sometimes free, just so you will eat your meals there, which is how they make their money.

     This couple had another way of doing the circuit on the ultra-cheap. Their strategy was to arrive in a village later in the afternoon than most people so they had bargaining leverage and then ask for a free room and discounts on the menu. They would share one dal bhat (the national dish of all-you-can-eat rice, lentil soup, and vegetable curry) between them to maybe see if they could get charged for only one. In the morning I think they just ordered hot water so they could use their own powdered milk and corn flakes. They even drank the spring water coming from the taps without purifying pills, but I got giardia this way last time. Too risky for me, but they were fine. I didn't try this method because one, I often wanted extra blankets and candles for the inevitable power outages and two, I wasn't in the mood for such slash and burn travel. They certainly made an impression everywhere they went. During this bongo session, when she became hot and took off her shawls, there was a noticeable murmur among the 5 or 10 Nepali men gathered and then in a minute there was suddenly at least a dozen more, cell phone cameras out.


     I heard a story that on the Thorung La pass two French people took off all their clothes (I thought it was redundant to say they were French) for some reason and were pelted with rocks by Nepalis who were offended. Then just last night a couple told me that when they were on the pass a few days ago, an Israeli dropped his pants and the guy who runs a tiny stone tea shack at the top (which does deaden the feeling of hiking accomplishment somewhat when you see it) charged out and beat him, knocking him to the ground while his pants were still around his ankles.
     I was not aware of this subculture or phenomenon or I don’t know what to call it of taking off your clothes on peaks. It is the last thing on my mind. I’m so square.

     This is a view of Ghyaru and below is the woman that ran the guest house



     This porter is carrying what looked like four 4x4s each about 3 meters (10 feet) long. I heard he got paid 1500 rupees ($19) to take this from Manang up to Letdar, a gain of 2000 feet in elevation already above 10,000 feet. I don't think there is such a thing as an underpaid porter.




     Someone told me that a porter makes 100 rupees for each 1 kg carried from Besishahar, the last of the pavement, to Manang, about a three day trip, 3000 meters up. I met two girls who paid 7000 rupees for a porter to carry their two backpacks from Manang to Muktinath. I also know that a hotel owner in Thorung Phedi, (a real scumbag, let me go off-topic for a moment to say that my only two hotel recommendations are to NOT stay at the higher of the two places in Thorung Phedi and TO stay at the New Yak Hotel in Braga) charged 7000 rupees for a horse to carry a sick Israeli girl over the pass.
     I’m not in the mood right now to show off my business-economics degree to expand on this (Did you know I have a degree? I went to school! Well, I didn’t go to school, I went to UC-Santa Barbara, but still) or to go off on the Snickers index, where you can gauge local prices by what a Snickers costs or of menu price disparities relative to actual cost such as potatoes growing out back vs. Coke hauled up, but I want to keep this post under 10,000 words.

DVD Night in Manang
     This title evokes Pico Iyer’s seminal book of essays, “Video Night in Kathmandu” that got me excited about traveling to Asia way back when. It’s the same thing—people huddling in a small room with a projector—in a different format. The guy who ran this shack cleverly knew that lots of hikers wanted a change of pace instead of falling asleep at 8pm every night, so we happily paid 200 rupees to watch a DVD with tea and popcorn. There was even a stove to stay warm. However, the choice of movie couldn’t have been more horrible, the schmaltzy “Into Thin Air”, the story of a Mount Everest climbing disaster. Not inspirational to get over the pass!

     Not the best photo of the humble video parlor, but there are animal skins to sit on in lieu of cushions.


     Manang is about Day 6 or 7 on the trek and where most people take a break. I sampled the local bakeries, the seabuckthorn juice and the flavorful yak cheese. Below is a photo of the woman selling the yak cheese and since they don’t have all the little weights for the scale, they throw a 50g Mars bar on for accuracy. Gotta love that improvisation.

     Day 7 with Mrs. Tibbo in a bakery. We're both pretty excited about the apple crumble.


     In Manang I again came across four hardcore hippies “of highly indeterminate means”, as Pico Iyer would say. They were a curious group, cooking their own food and keeping to themselves. No one knew where they slept. Sleeping in a tent in these frigid conditions would be “the last word in discomfort” as Pico Iyer would also say.
     Thorung Phedi is the last settlement (along with High Camp just above it) that everyone stays at the night before the ascent to the pass. It was here that I met a French guy who knew TheDromomaniac.com! He overheard us talking about it and said he had read my blog, proving so by saying I had been to Kenya and Switzerland this year. The Dromomaniac is a benign virus spreading throughout the world!
     I expected that by the time I got past Manang, where it begins to bottleneck, I would know people to walk with since I gab with everyone and make an ass of myself, and I did know nearly everyone, but I was engrossed in my book, Chickenhawk, and I became the last person to to start up the mountain. For safety’s sake I wanted to avoid this, and sure enough, I had just sat for my first rest when I heard a thump about 10 meters over and a rock the size of a soccer ball blew past me. What the heck? I looked up and a herd of yaks were kicking up rocks that were racing down towards me. I was scared. With my minimal oxygen I hightailed it to a safe place until they made their way away. There would be no “death by yak” today.

     On the Thorung La pass with my clothes on. YES!


     Why would anyone want to live at high elevation? The sun is too intense, you burn easily, cuts won’t heal, the dusty, dry wind parches your skin and lips, everyone’s coughing, wheezing, and hacking up phlegm like a Chinese peasant. Worst, it’s cold. The star-filled nights were impressive (not a cloud was to be seen the entire trek), but I can’t handle being out in the cold. I was already cold the night of Day 2 and then every subsequent night was an all-hands-on-deck, DEFCON-5 cold where I wore multiple layers of clothing to bed.

     There’s nothing nice to be said about driving on the road back from Muktinath. It’s a dusty, nasty road for us bus passengers and for the people we blow by and create a duststorm. My only regret is that I didn’t go by the first town, Kagbeni, to see what a “YacDonald’s” restaurant looked like.
     Lots of people cut their walks short if they see no alternative to the horrible road. I couldn’t decide if it was worse to walk or be on the bus. I had a young idiot driver who went right on the edge of the precipice where it was smoothest and driest, but we still bumped around and I could envision the headline: Bus Plunges Into Ravine: 14 Nepalis, 1 Formerly Handsome American Dead

     Because of a mafia-like monopolistic stranglehold on transport coming down from the mountains, it is expensive to travel back by bus and jeep, about 2000 rupees for me, and 1000 for Nepalis. I have the money, but for Nepalis 1000 rupees is a lot of money, too expensive for most. So, if private vehicles are out of the reach for 99% of the villagers and it is expensive to take a bus, for whom does the road benefit?

The Road
     I need to talk about this road. Normally I am a big fan of roads, big fan of infrastructure, but this might be an exception.
     The angst about the road being built on the eastern side stems from the mess that has come with the completion of the road on the western side. No one wants to trek on the western side anymore. Trekkers bring a ton of money into the economy, and Nepal is making it unattractive.
     Most of the way the road is being built on one side of river and the trail is on the other, but if your village is on the other side, even if there is a footbridge, you’re toast. If your road is on the same side as your village, you can only hope you are the midpoint overnight place. For a trekker, do you want to hear the screeching bus air horns and see the dust whipped up?
     One woman in Danaqyu saw the road as good, she no longer would need to walk three hours to go to the bank in Chame, but bad in that she may no longer need to go to the bank because she will have no money as tourists will go straight by her dying village.
     My question is, if the road is so beneficial, why do I still see porters on it? Why would a bus or jeep go by with any extra space? Something doesn’t make sense. It’s crazy to build roads when the Kathmandu-Pokhara road has so many bad sections. That should be a ten-lane superhighway given how much money is thrown around by aid organizations.
     It’s a huge undertaking. There are several points where they are simply going to carve the road out of the nearly vertical rockface. On the surface the army is building the road because the private sector is too corrupt, I was first told, but then I heard that they were needed to quell protesting villagers. Is someone else behind it? The Chinese? The road on the western side now goes from Pokhara to Jomsom and on to Tibet. Lots of intrigue here.
     Nevertheless, even if I think the road is going to ruin it, if I told some young punk in a couple of years from now that the Annapurnas used to be a circuit and it used to be a hike all the way around and how special it was back in the day, he’d say, “That’s great, Pops. When you’re done reminiscing about wooden tennis rackets and playing Donkey Kong, wake me up when you can tell me where I can get a latte with soy milk.” The past has no relevance. There are always alternatives, other treks, other stimuli.

A short trek in the Annapurna mountains

     In deep thought over the meaning of this sign


     I went on a four-day trek in the Annapurna mountains with an old friend, Greg, he of the renowned Hoshi Boshi Lodge in Nagano-ken, Japan, available for rent at reasonable (for Japan) rates. (By the way, have you ever thought of owning a 10-room hotel in the Japanese Alps? He is open to offers. What’s that you say? Radiation? Come on! Live a little, people!)
     We had thoughts of going up to Annapurna Base Camp, but the weather wasn’t good, so instead we were satisfied with the popular triangular circuit of Nayapul/Birethani to Ghorepani to Ghandruk and back. Four days of about four hours hiking a day, going up 1700 meters (about 5500 feet) and back down. We went at a pretty quick clip and since I have no sense of pacing myself, if there were no German bakeries, we rarely stopped.
     I knew there were going to be a lot of people on the trail coming the other way who hadn’t heard a shred of news for a long while, and I was eager to find Italians. I eventually found them, overhearing a group babble to each other—am I the only one who thinks Italian sounds like a baby language?—and I announced, “Berlusconi, he is finished!”
     One man became excited. “He is dead!”
     “No, no, no, he resigned,” I said, but even this brought big smiles all around and the man said that it was the best news he’d heard in 20 years. The Dromomaniac, out to spread joy during the festive holiday season!

     This was on the back of every menu we saw. It seems a little heavy-handed to tell us not to bargain. Order your food, shut up and nobody gets hurt! If you can't make out those signatures at the bottom, the Secretary is Fat Tony and the Chairperson, Louie the Lip.


     It was probably a mistake not to bring a jacket, but I hardly needed more than a fleece. I certainly didn’t need the sleeping bag I had rented. It was only 50 rupees (65 US cents) a day, but the weight was unnecessary, and it’s all about the weight. Every lodge has a mountain of blankets. Some smell riper than others, but they weren’t bad.
     Cotton shirts were a bad idea. Greg says they are the “death fabric” which I now fully and completely believe, but it also sounds like the beginning of a Monty Python skit.

     Ghorepani (meaning “horse water”) is two days walk from the nearest road, but they have internet (not to mention lasagna, enchiladas, Hungarian goulash, etc). I even saw a traveler with a laptop!
     I felt for the porters who had to carry up the computer monitors and towers, the poor saps. I also saw a nice pool table in Ghorepani and asked how that was managed. The proprietor said it was brought up in pieces. There still had to be some big pieces, and to schlep that 1700 meters upward? No thanks. The most amazing porter story I heard was 10 people carrying a huge German industrial oven up the Langtang mountains. Would love to see a photo of that.


     The porters and whomever made the stone paths, steps and walls are true heroes. The ease of doing a trek like this is possible because Nepal is impoverished, one of the poorest countries in the world. These are called teahouse treks because there are lots of lodges along the way to sleep which exist only because there are porters willing to carry everything up for a song. Their hardscrabble existence helps make my stroll in the mountains easier and more enjoyable, I can only deduce.
     The nearest comparison to this might be Switzerland, but supplies aren’t carried up on the backs of people. I don’t know, maybe they once were, but I doubt it. I haven’t thought it all through. I will have more time to ponder this because…
     …even though my calves are still tight days later, I have my permits and extended my visa to go back to the mountains again. Again! This time I am going to try the Annapurna Circuit, a 12 day or so trek that takes me over a 5400 meter (17,000+ feet) pass. Cold! I need to get out of town and on the trail because I don’t want to risk winter coming early and snowing me in.
     Ciao for now!

     Back at the starting point after four days, triumphant

The silence that cometh: off to trek


     I met a guy from Cameroon who plays professional soccer in Nepal—it’s true! How could I make something like that up?—and there is a big international soccer tournament starting today, but no, I’m off to do the Annapurna Sanctuary trek. I’ll be gone for a good week or so, so you’ll just have to try and survive without me for a while. Just try!

     Attention! Reminiscing alert! Reminiscing alert!
     Last time I came Nepal to go trekking, I arrived with no shoes. I gave them away in Thailand to a Burmese refugee organization in the faint hope that someone would have big fat feet like mine. When I got to Nepal, I discovered shoes didn’t exist in my size. I bought the biggest I could find, some pink and white faux Van’s. They were too small so I folded the back heel down and used them as slippers. I went trekking in them to the snickering of everyone else in their space-age gear—and then it snowed the second day. Luckily, it was the only day of bad weather and the rest of the trek I did in my sandals.
     The last day of the trek I came down with giardia, which is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I can express it in two words: explosive diarrhea.
     Let’s hope not every memory has to be revisited. Let’s go!

The sweetest gift of love: elephant dung paper from Nepal

     How clever! Can there be more of a no-brainer gift? It's unique, lightweight, odor-free, useful and (I assume) promotes local industry. Plus, they'll never be able to say that supplies are limited.


     As the bird flies I am only 15 or 20km from India in the lowlands of Nepal in a quiet and leafy part of Sauraha, a three-street village that is next to the Chitwan National Park. It’s great to be out of Kathmandu, but its cosmopolitan food nature has followed me. Sauraha has maybe 10 restaurants that announce they “specialize” in Mexican food. How many restaurants in rural Mexico specialize in Nepalese food?

     How can an elephant not be in someone's Top 5 Animals? Let me put it another way: dating is OK, but don't marry anyone who doesn't have elephants in their Top 5. You'll thank me later for this.


     After 10 days in Nepal without a drop of rain, suddenly it storms for two days, the newspaper reports it is unseasonably cold, saying that winter has arrived early, and 3500 tourists are stranded in Lukla airport (the gateway to Mount Everest) desperate to get out like it is 1975 Saigon.
     I don’t have it so bad. My only problem is that all of the elephants have been reserved and I can’t do a little safari in the national park tomorrow. I can’t complain.
     Before the rains came I met a couple of European girls on a trail near the river. They had just seen a rhino and were going to go back and show me, but we had only taken a few steps when it was suddenly closer than before, rustling behind some thick grass, and we had to hightail it out of there. They weren’t as phased as I was; someone had told them that rhinos can only charge in one direction, so if you run around like Benny Hill you’d be OK.

     Every morning a bunch of elephants come down to the river to bathe and to let tourists sit on them for a nominal fee. The mahouts then make the elephants throw water back on whomever is sitting there, and they have another command to make the elephant lie on its side, throwing the tourist into the water. Good fun. The water must be pretty filthy, but what's a little dysentery on your vacation? Since every tourist knows they're going to get wet, they dress accordingly, but Nepalese aren't used to seeing so much flesh and they hang out to watch. And film.


     I walked a good 3km towards the elephant breeding center, but didn’t want to miss feeding time so I hitchhiked the last bit and the first car that passed picked me up. Actually, the first car to pass was an ambulance, and I dumbly didn’t extend my thumb. Sure enough, the guy looked at me longingly as he passed, like he wished he had a reason to stop for me and I would have had my first hitchhiking ambulance ride. I’m so stupid sometimes.
     On the way back, again the first car to approach picked me up, this time a bus full of Nepalese students, very excited to have me aboard, though most of the ride they tried to understand why I am not married.

     The elephant breeding center has a bunch of shackled elephants and would be a waste of time if not for the cute baby elephants hanging around.


     Here I am combining two things into one photo, saving you, the reader, time. And I blog for free! Incredible. The book looks normal at first glance, but the entire thing is a photocopy. Bought it on the street in India for about $1.25. I feel like I should be sending Michael Lewis a royalty check. The hefty bruise on my shoulder? I have no idea how I got that.

The glue that was the Kathmandu post office

     I decided it was a good time to move out of the Hotel Impala when I turned on the TV one morning and it made a sizzling sound, then smoked. Who needs a TV anyway? Overrated. I moved to another sad hotel, but closer to the bus station to get out of town. And I’m very ready to get out of town.
     Let me say this straight: Kathmandu, one of the greatest, most evocative place names in the world, right up there with Timbuktu, Zanzibar and Rotterdam (cough!), is not fun to walk around. If it was a pedestrian zone, it would be fantastic. Tons of cool souvenir shops (with the various incarnations of “Women’s Handicrafts Store” always run by men) more bookstores than you can shake a stick at and world class people watching. Who knew Nepalese girls were so pretty?
     As it is, you can’t walk around and enjoy it without a barrage of things to worry about: look down because of uneven pavement, look up because I might hit my head on something low hanging (my scalp is becoming one big scab, I hit my head so often), you can’t walk aimlessly as you are constantly about to get your ankles clipped by any one of the hundreds of speedy motorcycles, bicycles, rickshaws and cars, all blasting their horns, all with an unfounded urgency. It is incredibly congested and the roads feel narrow and tunnel-like since there are a zillion signs hanging from the buildings. Hong Kong feels like open prairie compared to Kathmandu. I am talking about the tourist district of Kathmandu, Thamel. Outside of Thamel, you are less besieged, but the din of the horns is no less maddening and the thick dust that is kicked up is brutal.

     Not pictured: the swarms of guys selling tiger balm, welcoming you into their store or whispering, 'Hashish?'


     I had been to Kathmandu before, but that was 19 years ago and unrecognizable now in the profusion of fifi cafes and ethnic restaurants. Back in the day, exotic was the Pumpernickel Bakery, a run of the mill bakery that a bunch of Israeli travelers had adopted as their own and taught the staff how to make Israeli baked goods. It’s exoticism stemmed from having a tile floor. Now it is lost in the shuffle of places like Crazy Burger and KC’s Restaurant and Bamboozle Bar, signs like “Vi syr toj” (“We sew clothes” in Danish) and I even saw Hungarian chocolate for sale, a brand that’s hard to find in Hungary.
     I must be the only one adjusting because there are tons of white people here and they look like they are coping, if a little dazed.

     Attention! Reminiscing alert! Reminiscing alert!
     One of the first things I wanted to do on my walk down Memory Lane was visit the GPO, the General (Main) Post Office. 19 years ago there was no internet and international phone calls were expensive, plus in those days no one just visited Nepal and only Nepal like one does now. It was part of a much longer overland trip, and since no one started their trip in Nepal, what happened was that everyone had been gone a good while and were hungry for contact from home, which meant that every traveler made a daily pilgrimage to the post office to see if they had Poste Restante mail.
     Poste Restante was a system where people could mail stuff to you care of the GPO and they would hold it for you for one or two months. Mail in and out of Nepal was dicey. No one had any sense of how long it took for letters or packages to come and go, and when we heard solid information (“A German told me a letter he got took 16 days from Germany.”), it was passed like some underground Allied cable.
     So, every day at 10am or whenever it was, it was feeding time at the zoo. Poste Restante was a small room with a single table and a box on it of the old letters. We would all sit around the table like feral monkeys as the new mail was dumped in with the old.
     “That’s a Swedish stamp on that yellow envelope!” someone would cry out who couldn’t get in past the scrum. “What’s the name on that?”
     “Olafsson!”
     “That’s for me!” she would exult.

     Bangkok was the same. We would all take the ferry boat down and sit on the GPO steps to commiserate with the others who didn’t get mail and envy those who did. The difference is that Bangkok was a hub. You might come back to Bangkok; Kathmandu was one and done.
     The worst was when you had to leave town even though you KNEW a letter from your parents or a loved one was going to come the next day, and it was going to be a long time before you got mail again. I witnessed some frustrated travelers steal others’ mail just to have mail.
     As ancient as this system was, I will say that it brought travelers together. I felt like I knew every traveler in Kathmandu. Intrinsically important information was exchanged, new friendships were quickly made, and no one felt left out. It was a far cry from today where you go by the trendiest cafe and there are 15 people with their 15 laptops (and I’m sometimes one of them, I am ashamed to admit.) It was more egalitarian back then. No one felt rich, everyone lived close to the ground, no one made reservations, no package tours, people traveled light out of necessity to be mobile, and everyone stayed at the same kind of guest houses. There was a strong sense of community you rarely find these days.
     Attention! The reminiscing alert has been turned off!

The people you meet in Kathmandu, Nepal

     This is Vivien of the famous Korean food and photography blog, KoreanHapa.com. We met in 2002 in Laos and haven’t seen each other until now, when I saw a fleeting Facebook post from her that said she was flying to Kathmandu tomorrow. I can’t get over how little she has changed. I will send a postcard from Nepal to the first person who correctly guesses her age. I’m serious.

     While in Kathmandu I also met the guy who replaced me at the dog hotel I worked at in the Japanese Alps. I’m serious.
     Wasn’t my last blog post a revelation? 218 euros to fly one way to Nepal from Europe? So now you know the answer about how it is possible to travel so cheaply. Whether you want to walk the earth forever is your choice. For those of you whose first question is, “Is flydubai.com reliable?”, my retort is, “Is Qantas reliable?” Flydubai is developing a reputation for canceling flights with little notice, but you do eventually get on the plane.

     This is my second time in Nepal. I will reminisce about my last visit later lest I put everyone to sleep. Maybe I will include the details of when I went to prison. I mean, the details of when I went to the prison. I guess there’s a difference.
     It was getting dark when I got into Kathmandu so I settled for a room in the super-sad Hotel Impala, 600 Nepalese rupees ($8) a night. I resolved to find something better the next day, anything that didn’t make me want to hang myself, but now this is my sixth night here. It’s the only cheap place that looks quiet. That’s worth something. Top floor, cable TV, wifi, and attached bathroom, too.

     This is bogus. They want you to pay $4 just to walk into a public square. For 'heritage conservation'? Please. All three main temples were littered with broken whiskey bottles.


     Must be a southern Irish name.


     Call me crazy, but I think the Pepsi sign doesn't blend in well.


Europe to Kathmandu, Nepal for 218 euros. Interested?

     Can I interest you in a 218 euro (US$308) flight to Kathmandu from Europe? Of course I can! It’s the best time of the year to visit Nepal! That includes all taxes, and one way is more or less half the price of round trip on flydubai.com. This is out of Belgrade, Serbia, of all places. Not great flight times either, but sometimes you have to suck it up if you want the best deals. I can’t imagine what possessed flydubai to make Belgrade their newest destination. Was there really demand? Someone in Serbia must have photos of the flydubai CEO in a compromising position.
     I flew in from India whereupon I had to adjust to the 15 minute time difference. 15 minutes! I am still suffering from jet lag…(“What time is it here? 11:30? You don’t understand, it is 11:15 where I flew in from! I need to rest!”)

     If you are flying into Nepal, I think it is a regulation that they spray the plane down with this aerosol. It isn't pleasant. I am already prepared that my first kid will have seven toes.


     But I am also here to see a doctor. India was killing me. I had been going through three shirts every night in a cold sweat. I put a towel on the ground next to my bed just so I could lean over and hack phlegm up instead of getting up every time to do so…that kind of thing.
     Two people in the know recommended the CIWEC clinic. I paid $55 to see a doctor and the second follow-up visit was free. Medicine was more than double what it should be because Indian medicine has the price printed on it, but maybe it is a price to pay to make sure it isn’t counterfeit(?)

     A swing! The simple pleasures in life.


     Monkey grooming below the monkey temple.


     Monkey temple eyes

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