TRAVELING ALONE
The two main reasons for traveling solo are that your good friend might not be a good travel friend and the energy stays mainly between you two. You will be less likely to meet new people and try to speak another language. I get it that traveling solo sounds lonely, you’ll have no one to immediately share your experiences with, but traveling as a twosome is more isolating and you can more easily talk each other out of doing something rather than putting yourself out there and going for it. Even if you are traveling with a friend, split up for a week and go alone. Loneliness is inevitable, but you learn to entertain yourself, be more comfortable in your own skin.
The exception to traveling alone is if you are getting serious in a relationship with someone or are already engaged. (In other words, take the honeymoon first!) You don’t know someone until you have traveled with them 24/7, and don’t you want to know the other’s true personality before it is too late? The Japanese even have a word for when they honeymoon abroad and then see it isn’t going to work out: “narikon”, which is a mix of “Narita” (Tokyo airport) and “rikon” (divorce). By the time they arrive back in Japan the couple has realized that they are incompatible, or more to the point, the woman has discovered that the man is completely inept and once they have landed at the airport it is decided they will get divorced.
Traveling independently teaches you to stand up for yourself. All too often I hear a variation of: “Well, we didn’t want to make a scene, so we just gave him what he wanted.” When alone you develop a better sense of reading situations. In a Kiev, Ukraine metro station I asked three policemen for directions and was hauled off into an empty apartment building and shaken down for $100 because of some supposed irregularity in my passport, but I stood my ground, stayed positive, and they got bored and gave up. (It was the one and only time and place in the world where I wrote my friend’s cell phone number on the inside of my belt in case I got hauled away because I got hassled every day in Kiev.)
Being alone allows you to travel in a serendipitous way at your and only your pace without a rigorous schedule. It is hard to find a travel friend on exactly the same wavelength as you and the endless compromising that ensues can be a drag. Do what you want to do. Be impulsive. I am always in disbelief when I go to Lonely Planet’s Thorn Tree section and see people showing their three week itinerary planned out virtually to the hour, every night’s accommodation booked. There are so many things that can occur on a trip. Your moods and desires or things out of your control can change your best laid plans. When you are alone you have maximum flexibility and are more open to what can come up.
A note about female travelers
Look, I know it is a slippery slope for me to talk about the female travel experience since I’ve been a man for most of my life. Plus, you might take my encouragement with some skepticism vis-a-vis your personal safety. Just allow me to say that women who travel solo are impressive, memorable, mentally strong, self-assured, confident, independent, invulnerable, they don’t take crap from anyone and even though they can be magnets for shysters, they don’t live in a shell. I can’t say if these women were preternaturally like that or it developed on the road, but they are almost uniformly heroic.
Japanese women might be the most common nationality that travels alone. They have to deal with so much grief from people trying to take advantage of them as they hit the top of all the meters of desirability: they are perceived to be rich, pushovers, available, and won’t retaliate or make a scene. I don’t know how they manage. If I ever understand the Japanese psyche, it will be a miracle.
I digress.
I don’t know how convincing I am with this argument, and there is one instance I can think of where it is better to have traveled with someone: when you come home after your trip. Traveling abroad is such an intense experience; so much has happened, so much has challenged the way you think, you are full of impressions and ideas and finally back at home you discover that no one cares about your trip, just the tabloid-worthy highlights and lowlights. It’s jarring. The person you traveled with forms a bond in a way you couldn’t have anticipated beforehand. Even a small, otherwise forgettable moment like passing an Indian restaurant back home, after you two had been in India, will bring back a flood of memories and stories no one else will understand.
I’m a solo female traveler and I’ve been to eight countries in Europe the past three months, including Turkey (reputed to have aggressive antics). I am in my late 20s but look in my low 20s (I’m petite). You know how many people have taken advantage of me on this trip? Zero. And I’ve slept in many strangers’ homes, walked around at night, etc. If you use common sense and listen to your gut and don’t take crap off the bat, you will be fine. We women travelers can fend for ourselves just fine
So thanks for pointing that out in your article. The type of woman to travel alone in the first place is not the type to be a vulnerable sucker.
“there is one instance I can think of where it is better to have traveled with someone: when you come home after your trip. Traveling abroad is such an intense experience; so much has happened, so much has challenged the way you think, you are full of impressions and ideas and finally back at home you discover that no one cares about your trip, just the tabloid-worthy highlights and lowlights. It’s jarring. The person you traveled with forms a bond in a way you couldn’t have anticipated beforehand. ”
I couldn’t have wrote it better. It’s like people back home can’t (or don’t want to) understand the impact of your trip, the people you met abroad or the cultural changes you adapted to. If you were in Paris, they want to see your Eiffel Tower photos, or in China, your Forbidden city pics. But they seem completely unaffected or interested by any of the small things, places, encounters or unexpected events that made your trip unique to you and not another prepackaged Contiki tour…
Hey,
first off I love your sight, think I have read every page! I am from Scotland currently in Germany and about to set off on a couple of weeks couchsurfing, hostels and hitchhiking in Europe. I think its great to travel alone as a woman but I suppose it depends on the type of person you are. I was interested to see that here you encourage solo travel but on your hitchhiking page you suggest that women travel with a man the first time? I hope I am not being naive by wanting to go alone and I didn’t really even think about it until I started reading up on some travel stuff that told me I should be cautious as a woman, on your hitchhiking page you refer to a woman who signed up to the couchsurfing group for women to find a travel partner saying: “I don’t want to be kept from hitchhiking just because society keeps being oppressive against women.” I can’t help but feel it is her who is keeping herself from hitchhiking by deciding society is going to oppress her before she even sets off.
Anyway I am inspired by yours and Lexi’s words and I enjoy solo traveling because you are able to think for yourself (if you go to a country with someone who is constantly pointing out their view of the place it’s hard to form an independent opinion form theirs) so in response to William Alexis’ comment I would never expect my friends at home to want to listen to every tiny little detail of my trip, it’s far more interesting experiencing it for yourself independently!
hi! thx so much for your article, a beauty!
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since i’m a female solo traveller i perfectly understand what you’re talking about and it feels good that men, too, realise that some of us really are made of concrete
please keep up your great posts, you’re an asset to the travellingworld!
grtz
I love this blog, referred to me by a friend and had a such good laugh reading it.
I am a lone female traveler and particularly enjoyed this part. I think India was where I had the most problems as a lone, black, female traveler- the middle east was a walk in the park and Africa I’m just starting on.
Currently in Somaliland, great place- found a job for a few months to fund my next leg of my Africa trip.
Please keep up your great posts! its gem.
I’m a 23 year old from India. I am planning on traveling alone, to Goa. I have never traveled alone anywhere and the reason I am taking the plunge now is cause there’s no one else to give me company, lol. The only thing that scares me is from getting raped (to put it bluntly), I don’t rate India as a safe place for women. But I know how to trust my guts and apply common sense. So, I guess I should be fine
I will update here soon when I come back.
Hi, I hope you have a safe trip! Did you find me via a Couchsurfing group? If so, maybe you can post an ad and find a partner if you are worried about it. If you are already Indian, hopefully your antenna will be stronger and you can avoid unpleasant situations. I think if you stay where travelers stay, you can hang out with them for company. Have fun!
Dear Kent,
I just stumbled upon your blog by random searching. You know, just googled “travel alone to Goa” one click led to another, and that’s that. I’m not going to Goa immediately. I’m planning on my favorite month, October. I should be done researching for places to hang out there and staying options. I’ve been to quite a few interesting places up in North, since they are closer to New Delhi where I live. Been to Ranthambore, Kasol, Khirganga, Rishikesh, Simla, Sri Nagar, Agra… but never alone. Goa, I think is a good try for a single traveler. If at all I am jittery about traveling alone, may be I’ll look for a Couchsurfer. But that’s what I need to overcome, right
iturhs=shruti
“Look, I know it is a slippery slope for me to talk about the female travel experience since I’ve been a man for most of my life.”
Thanks Kent. I am a lady..your article is a true inspiritation! I am going to travel alone for the first time- take the plunge
Great to hear! Do you have a blog? How will I know how it goes for you?
-Kent