A Battle to the Death with the Syrian Bathroom Scale Men

Bathroom Scale Man

My formidable opponent

     Every day in Syria I get into it with the scale men, guys who take their bathroom scales and plop them down on the street, charging passersby to weigh themselves. (I am thinking of starting the same business in America; I see franchise potential.)
     But the scales never work right. They are all skewed high, and I let one guy have it:
     "Sahib, how can you sleep at night when you are out here deceiving people with this inaccurate scale?"
     "What are you talking about? I calibrate this every morning to internationally accepted standards per United Nations Agreement B-77e on Protocols Regarding Weights and Measures."
     "Pfffft! I just wasted 15 cents that could have been spent on a warm chocolate croissant."
     He pokes my stomach. I thought he might break his finger on its steel-like hardness, but I was mistaken. He smiles and looks me in the eye, “Friend, who forced you to eat the whole plate of halawet el-jibn when you were ALREADY FULL?!"
     He’s got me on the ropes. “But you don’t understand,” I stammer. “It was made fresh! The halawet el-jibn’s nutty, cheesy, sweet goodness is a subtle meld of complementary flavors that were at its absolute delicious peak!"
     A deflated silence hangs over us as we are both instantly aware that the battle has come to an end. He raises his head and nods triumphantly before lunging with a final dagger to the heart: “Next time I’m charging you double, Fatso! Now get out of here!”

The halawet el-jibn in question. How did he know?

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A Battle to the Death with the Syrian Bathroom Scale Men — 11 Comments

  1. ahhh the halawet el-jibn, I think I may have found my delicious new enemy! Guess I will have to pack my fat pants! 🙂

  2. This is the best discribtion of Halawet Al-Jubni I have ever red, good stuff man, I’m Syrian and never had these romantic thoughts about this type of sweet.
    About the last comment the scale guy gave you, I saw your pictures and it seems he has a point 🙂

    take care,

  3. Dude, I can’t believe I stumbled on your blog. Awesome stuff!
    I’m also heading to Damascus (in April) and I’m having a hard time deciding on a good, decent, budget hostel. Any tips would be REALLY welcome! LP seems not up-to-date according to reports on foruns, Trip advisor makes me want to give up and so it goes…

    Cheers from Rio!
    (And forget Botafogo. Their games are empty cause they’re losers, hahaha. Join Flamengo in order to stick to the best! 😉

  4. Hi Renata, Thanks for the kind words! I am in my 3rd hostel in Damascus: Ghazal, Al-Rabie and now Al-Haramain. They are all 500-600 pounds and all so-so. I wish I could find a 4th! Why don’t you stay and open one here, call it “Rio East”(?)

  5. Yalla, habibi. Deal done. Let’s open Rio East. Here though. But please, do bring me a gorgeous Assad picture for the wall! I bet this is the kick-off to a brand new life! 🙂

  6. Pingback: The Triptastic 10: Recommended Reading Right Now | Chicky Bus

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